Mercury Retrograde: Not The End Of The World

Alright…what’s better than re-launching & rebooting and generally starting “new” things revolving around communication (Connection! The written word! I’m blogging again!) at the beginning of Mercury retrograde….aka The Exact Time I’m Not “Supposed To” Do That? Using it as a tool to un-spook some astrological nonsense that even people that barely know their sun sign know the name of.

Original post made August 2nd, 2017 & reuploaded after the blog reboot.

So what the fuck is it, anyways? Well, three or four times a year Mercury passes Earth in it’s orbit – and sometimes it “looks” like it’s moving backwards (It’s not…really. It’s an optical illusion, but still pretty cool. Damn, space is awesome. Anyways! Moving on.) and everyone who’s ever heard the term “retrograde” starts foaming at the mouth about how every terrible thing to happen to them in that three week period (and “shadow period” beforehand) definitely, absolutely, is a far-offs planets fault – and not the fact that they just don’t keep their own shit in check.

Now, I’m not here to say Mercury retrograde isn’t real, and that planetary shifts DON’T effect life for us here on earth – but it’s not half as catastrophic as it’s made out to be unless you let it be. When I was a kid, our local alternative station had an astrologer on a few times a week. As soon as she mentioned Mercury retrograde, the coming weeks were full of recommendations to batten down the hatches and put your life on hold. (But goddamnit, I’m not letting a planet tell me what to do!) My best friend is notorious with this one, throughout highschool if anything went remotely wrong it was on behalf of “Mercury fucking retrograde!” and to this day she still gets a little worked up about it, despite surviving 23 years of them. (Which is fine! Being nervous is okay! But damn dude, chill!)

In astrology, Mercury rules over communication, travel, and technology – so those are usually the areas most Mercury retrograde “warnings” deal with. Stuff like “Don’t go on a trip!” or “You’re going to stumble over your words and mess up every relationship in your life!” and “Your computers going to explode, and you’ll shatter your phone screen!” COULD any (or all!) of those things happen? Yeah sure, if you’re a dumbass.

If you’re anything like me (a little skeptical, but a little on the “well maybe I should…just in case!” side) even if you’re rolling your eyes at the concept of a planet dictating behavior – you might still be a little curious about how to cope with something like that, right? Especially if well…it “makes people crazy” and “throws curveballs” and all sorts of other negative sounding things. If you’re looking for ways to calm your anxiety about a planetary shift that you may or may not even put that much trust in, feel free to keep reading.

Wanna know what your best defense against Mercury retrograde insanity is? Common fucking sense. Some basic ass Mercury retrograde advice includes:


  • Double check your itinerary’s
  • Plan extra time before travel/appointments (and confirm all of those appointments and meetings, as well!)
  • Expect things to pop up – layovers, nonsense, blowing a tire, yknow – just travel prepared. Why are you not doing this already?
  • Make sure your car/truck/whatever is in good working order – no stickers out of date, tires are checked, oils been changed…

You know. Basic life stuff. Being aware of your surroundings, and not driving around in a run down piece of shit. Wouldn’t you be doing this even if certain planetary alignments didn’t dictate that you should?


  • Back up your phone! (Which I mean….most phones do whenever they’re connected to your computer or wifi….but y’know. Maybe write down your emergency contacts number because you don’t have it memorized after a decade of using smartphones.)
  • Buy an extra phone charger, ten bucks says you’re going to forget one in your car/at work/at home when you need it.
  • Double check your emails/messages before slamming send, dude – did you just send a dick pic to your boss? Yikes.

….Wow that’s just….more general life stuff. Damn. Maybe the Boy Scouts were right, the secret to life is starting to sound like “always be prepared”….

Communication and relationships:

  • Re-read and triple check any serious documents before you sign off on em. Wether it’s at work, buying a house, or that creepy contract that one hook up is trying to make you go along with. Fine print!
  • Be careful not to run off at the mouth or jump to conclusions – think through what you’re saying, maybe take a breather if you start getting upset to reevaluate a situation/conversation with a more “logical” mind as opposed to emotional.
  • Do your best not to spread rumors/rants/unchecked info – I mean, it’s a troll eat troll world but how did you know that meme about a show you thought was cancelled was going to spiral out of control and you’d look back thinking, “Damn – that wasn’t even funny, and I made a glaringly obvious spelling error! Shit, I forgot to buy tickets – too!”
  • Don’t lead people on, half ass commitments (be it in work, friendships or romance!) shoot the messenger, or give mixed messages.
  • Expect garbage ass people from your past to pop back up. I mean, they will regardless of what the planets are doing, but just in case….take it with a grain of salt.

Okay….that’s really just sounding to me like the best course of action is not being a douchebag. Think y’all can handle that?

Anyways! If you’ve already got your shit together, dot your I’s & cross your T’s and do your best not to laugh too hard when you watch the people around you running in circles and flipping the fuck out because they’re fully convinced the reason they tried to rehash things with their ex (only to have them backfire) & dropped their laptop into the bathroom sink is 110 percent Not Their Fault. And if you’re on the freaking out foaming at the mouth side of things – please, sit down. Breathe. Double check what you can, and just be mindful of your words and actions. Know that things are likely to be more frustrating, move slower, and just generally be more of a pain in the ass – but you’ll be fine.

The next three weeks won’t be the end of the world, well, I mean – at least not an end of the world caused by Mercury retrograde.

xo, Kitty

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